


Ex-factor

by orphan_account



Series: You could be happy, and I won't know. [1]
Category: The Bold Type
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Smut, both of them are just being messy, post 2x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 03:19:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16589855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: No-one has hurt me more than you, and no-one ever will.





	Ex-factor

**Author's Note:**

> I have been listening to Ex-factor by the great Ms Lauryn Hill and I'm still in my Kadena feelings. This is set perhaps at the end of season three, so potential spoiler/speculation. 
> 
> Yes two fics in one day, and I'm still flopping my degree. Hope you all enjoy xxx

A knock and her head snaps toward the door. The antique clock mounted across the room ticks by, precisely centred on the wall; a stark contrast to the many canvases and prints leaning haphazardly against the wall below it. It was the focal point of the room, taking up much of the visible space on the far wall. The burnt mahogany varnish looked black in the low light. The crisp black Roman numerals betrayed the bleached edges of the well-weathered clock face. Three of her friends, a ladder, a laser level and it had found the perfect position. In the mornings it was the first thing she saw when it was bright enough and in the dark silence, the rhythmic tick kept her awake. But it was a gift, a beautiful one that had arrived one day wrapped carefully in paper, taped carefully at the edges.

01:15. It's an approximation; she isn't always able to tell from this distance. The longer hand teeters towards the three, on the edge of falling on it. 

More knocks come in quick succession, sounding impatient on the other side of the door.

With slow movements, she folds over the corner edge of the page she had been reading before closing the book and placing it on the coffee table next to a forgotten mug, half-filled with tea she knows is now cold. The throw draped across her lap falls away as she stands from the couch. Her bare feet hit the cold hardwood, slowly acclimating as she pads carefully toward the door. She hesitates for a moment, shifting to the mirror at the entrance of her apartment. She takes in her mirror image, the soft cotton of her trousers and lined grey hooded sweater. She pulls the hood to cover her hair, tucking in the strays at the edges, not at all prepared for visitors at this hour.

The door swings open to reveal Kat. Water droplets cast clear dots on the black wool of her coat, evidence of the autumn showers outside.

“Kat?” Her voice sounds hollow, the name sounding unfamiliar as it finds its form in her mouth.

“Can I come in?”

A beat passes and she is opening the door wider, standing aside as Kat shuffles into the open plan space, removing her shoes and shrugging off her coat as she goes, taking another second to lay it carefully over the back of the couch. She takes quick glances around the apartment, being very much Adena’s space. There are leftovers on the stove. Notebooks are strewn across her desk. Everything is in earth tones, soft plush textiles. There's a deep blue throw on the floor by the coffee table, a mug of tea. It's not messy. Comfortable is more accurate. Her hand brushes momentarily against the ornate gold stitching on one of the cushions piled on the blue couch.

 

The door shuts firmly, the sound of the latch echoing in the silence that follows. Tentative steps lead her to stand opposite Kat.

Waiting.

Long moments pass, neither making a move. Kat lifts her head to look at her for the first time since entering. Kat's eyes are glazed over like she is looking straight through her, unfocused and distant. 

“Kat..” She starts.

In short steps Kat is in front of her, pulling her in close. Kat presses their lips together catching her off guard. Kat smells like vanilla and rainwater. Kat's lips are firm and she almost loses her balance but Kat’s hand has come to the small of her back, keeping her upright as their bodies meld together. The kisses that follow are quick and rushed. Hard against her lips; warm breath whispering a sense of urgency. It's messy and uncoordinated, a far cry from the usual. She tended to lead, framing Kat's face with her hands. More times slow with gentle caresses and sweet nothings whispered in the space between them.

Hands at the hem of her sweater bring her out of her daze and back into the room. She holds Kat at her forearms pulling away slightly. Brown eyes meet. “Baby?”

“Don’t.” It comes out harshly; a knee-jerk at the term of endearment. She knows it was a misstep, a reflex when she could feel Kat's upset. 

Kat’s lips find hers again as she leans down further into her body, more suggestive and leading. She feels her resolve crumble, coming to cradle Kat’s face, relaxing slightly in her arms and reciprocating. A tongue grazes against her lower lip. A moan soon follows once the action is repeated. She leans up more into Kat’s body, her mouth inviting as their tongues stroke against each other. She holds Kat close, a hand coming to hold her behind her neck as their kisses deepened.

They kiss slowly, languidly.

Kat’s hands move again to the edge of her sweatshirt, insistent but holding off for permission before she continues. She steps out of their kiss slightly, aiding Kat by raising her arms over her head, letting the other woman pull the garment from her body. Her arms stretch out in her t-shirt, adjusting to the change in temperature, her movement freer. Her hair falls just below her shoulders, a detail Kat notices as she brushes away strands from Adena's shoulder.

Before she even has a moment to put her thoughts together, Kat’s lips are on her again, pressing into her skin and up the column of her neck, nipping at the flesh. The hands on her hips have migrated to cup her behind, kneading ever so slightly. Her hands grasp more firmly as Adena gasps in response to Kat's teeth crazing at her pulse point, pulling them back together. The sensation sends a pulse straight to her core, the feeling continuing down to her toes.

“Kat.” She tries once more, leaning her head further to give Kat better access as her hands run across Kat’s back. The button down she wears is soft, the cotton in a French tuck at the front of her jeans.

“No. Don’t,” Kat says firmly, pulling back: her gaze piercing. Kat’s eyes at once convey intention and search her own for permission. Consent. They weren’t going to talk, not tonight at least, but Kat was asking silently if this was okay.

She nods.

 

 

Her back hits the sheets and soon Kat is crawling on top of her, strong hands coming to push at her thighs to give herself room to settle between them. It’s all very familiar. The way Kat's hands run up her thigh to her waist and up further across her ribcage. The way Kat brushes stray hairs from her face in a moment of intimacy. It doesn't last long until Kat is no longer looking at her, their eyes are locked, but Kat's mind is obviously elsewhere.

Kat holds herself up by the forearm, careful not put all of her weight on the woman below; freehand splayed across her stomach, holding her.

She leans up, rising onto her elbows bringing their faces closer, trying to find Kat’s lips in a kiss. Only to be denied. Once. And then again. Their eyes find each other again; hers searching for something. **Intimacy** , the **connection** where there is none; for any indication of what Kat might be feeling.

The hand on her stomach has moved to play at the front of her trousers. “Can I?” Kat questions. Adena gives a silent nod in confirmation. Before long, Kat is leaning back on her knees, working off Adena’s sleep trousers and underwear in one fell swoop as she raises her hips off the bed. Usually, there was more communication, more finesse but Kat seems to have a single goal in mind.

She relaxes as Kat leans down into her body once again, a hand pushing her t-shirt up her body and sliding under to grasp at her breast. Hot kisses follow the trail. A tongue peeks out, brushing against her nipple before being enveloped in a warm mouth. She lets out a gasp, back arching into the contact, caught up in the alternating sensations. In one moment, toying gently with her teeth, the next sucking harshly all the while grinding her hips down against her. The rough cotton of Kat’s trousers brushes intermittently against her arousal. The hand on her breast is firm, sure, soft flesh moving under Kat’s hand. Kat's free hand moves from her side to toy with the other nipple before she alternates.

“Can you take these off?” She gestures to the pants, unbuttoned at the top. With quick work, Kat wordlessly stands from the bed, disrobing.

Warmth makes contact with the soft skin exposed, below where her t-shirt has bunched up over her chest. Kat is soft, warmth radiating from the surface. A sure hand snakes between their bodies, first stroking her thighs before migrating to her centre. Her fingers brush across her folds in an agonizingly slow motion. The pads of her middle and ring finger running in a pattern from her clit to her opening and back.

“Oh my god.” Kat breathes into her neck, altogether surprised by the abundance of wetness she finds. Adena sometimes took a while to get going, she needed a little more attention at times but now with her so open and responsive, Kat couldn't help but groan at the heat between her legs.

Kat adjusts quickly, shifting into a more comfortable position resting more on her side, to give herself room. Her hand is gentle, stroking at the heat, spreading arousal over her fingers. Each unintentional graze against her clit has her hips shifting for more contact, rising boldly off the bed and into the hand between her legs. The nub is swollen, peaking out of its hood. It's firm against Kat's fingertips.

“Patience.” Kat’s words are taunting against her ear.

She lets out a deep groan once she is rewarded by the pads of Kat’s fingers making rough circles around her clit, before sliding down to her entrance. Kat repeats this motion a few times before giving in. There’s a moment before dextrous fingers sink into her. Kat strokes gently at first, moving in and out; faced buried in her neck. Her heat clenches around the digits, before relaxing. She's tight around Kat, the wetness aiding Kat's fluid movement.

It doesn’t take long before she feels the breath leaving her body in shallow pants. Kat takes that as the impetus to stroke faster, curling her fingers inside of her. One hand comes to wrap around Kat’s shoulder as the other grasps at her elbow, insistent that she drive deeper. She hangs onto Kat for leverage, her hips rolling rhythmically gripping tightly to the smooth muscle of Kat's shoulder. Their bodies move against each other, hot breath tickling at the excretion. 

"Does that feel good?" Kat whispers, nipping at her jaw.

"Yeah, that feels good".

The fingers inside her curl deeper, rubbing at her front wall at the top of each thrust.

“Yeah, right there.” The pace of her breathing picks up, coming out in a quick staccato. Kat’s movements follow, her fingers moving shallowly as her thumb rises to stroke at her clit. Kat switches between curling her fingers in deep and pulling out to rub rough circles around her clit. “Yes, baby.” 

 

All movement stops momentarily as Kat pulls out, leaning back onto her heels to peer down at her, expression unreadable.

She doesn’t quite have time to log that in her head before Kat is between her legs, taking broad licks across her folds; the tongue starts out tentative soon finding a rhythm in response to lustful moans. Kats' arms come to wrap around her legs holding them in place as she starts sucking and flicking at her clit. In a practised pattern, Kat envelops her sex in her mouth, sucking before returning to lapping at her. The tongue dips shallowly into her centre every once in a while, causing shockwaves to course through her.

Kat knows her body, knows how to read her. When her hips rise: strong hands push back, keeping her in place. Her back arching always means ‘more’. Hands gripping the sheets an indicator of how close she is. There's a pause before she feels Kat's teeth graze at her inner thighs, leaning back on her elbows as she looks at her. She can't help but feel self-conscious with Kat looking at this part of her so closely, thumb toying with the flesh. She notices Kat bite her lip when she clenches.

Kat soon takes mercy on her and resumes her ministrations.

Her body curls, the sensation rushing through her; a deep guttural moan giving way to a sharp exhale as her orgasm rips through her body. Her toes curl as she grips the sheets and tosses her head back, Kat’s mouth still working at her. Seconds or hours pass before she stills, blood rushing in her ears.

Kat unceremoniously flops beside her on her back.

 

Gathering herself she rolls onto her side, first placing a kiss on Kat’s jaw then lower onto her neck as her hand smoothes over the other woman’s abdomen. Her kisses become firmer, her torso shifting to lay her body against Kat. Her lips are soon searching for Kat’s in a deep kiss.

She moans at the taste of herself, taking time to savour the kiss. Kat is responsive, rolling her tongue against hers.

Despite all of the signals, as soon as she moves down toward Kats centre, a firm grasp of her wrist stops her in her tracks. She looks up from where she had been making her descent.

“No. It’s okay.” Kat breathes moving from under her, legs shifting over the side of the bed as she rises into a sitting position.

She follows, sitting behind Kat, laying kisses on Kat’s shoulder as her hands come to wrap around Kat, paying attention to the soft skin at Kat's middle. “I want to make you feel good too.” She mummers, licking the shell of Kats' ear, lips then coming to nip at her earlobe.

 

Something in Kat obviously shifts, suddenly becoming very tense, then standing as moves to the other side of the room in search for her underwear.

“Kat, you don’t have to leave.” No response comes. “Are you serious. So what, you are just going to leave?” 

“You would know all about that wouldn’t you.” There it is. The look on her face is definitely one of hurt. 

3 months has passed since she moved back to New York, all with a hope that she could still mend things, a hope that it wasn't too late. A text in the form of ‘my number is still the same’ and ‘can we talk’, had Kat showing up at her doorstep in the middle of the night. She hadn’t expected a response, more had resigned herself to never hearing from the woman again seeing as her message had been read – the small icon under the blue bubble indicating as much. But she had left, she had all but checked out of their relationship when she told Kat she wouldn't be coming back with her.

“Kat, I’m sorry.” She starts, feeling exposed now in the cold atmosphere of the room.

“You know what, stop apologising. I’m over you apologising, Adena, I'm over it. I shouldn’t have come here.” Kat says exasperatedly, as she tries to shimmy on her jeans.

She follows as Kat turns to walk out of her bedroom, donning the robe draped over the small velvet chair in the corner.

“Kat wait.”

She hadn’t planned for what she would do once they were in front of each other again. She certainly hadn’t expected Kat to walk through her door and find themselves in bed together. All of the conversations she had planned out in her head hadn’t prepared her any for this. For Kat being cold towards her. Angry she could deal with, but this Kat felt so far from the Kat she had known, and she couldn’t help but blame herself.

For hurting her. For breaking them, but maybe they were already broken before that?

“No Adena. Just no. I was doing so good. I was actually starting to feel okay again, like myself. You can’t decide to just come back into my life as soon as shit starts getting better. I was getting over you.”

“Can I just…”

“No, I'm not going to be another one of those girls you just burn through like it's whatever to you. I know if I let you back into my life you’re going to hurt me again." 

“If you could just let me explain.” She offers, taking steps toward Kat, who recoils. This was going south very fast, Kat has oscillated between cold and indifferent but now she was angry.

“Explain what? What the fuck do you have to say that you haven’t already said.”

“Kat I am so sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you, I should have been more honest with you, but I was scared okay.” Kat scowls, her anger already rising “No listen. I was scared that it was all going to be too much, that I was not going to be enough for you. I was scared of what it would mean if the time came and my visa didn’t go through and I had to leave again. I was scared of what it meant that I was just kind of stuck in this place and I couldn’t create. I was scared”

She knows she is rambling now, all of her apologies on the tip of her tongue.

“I have never… I have never felt for anyone the way I feel for you. I have never loved anyone… anyone Kat as much as I love you.” Tears brim in the corner of her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“I was right here Adena, I didn’t go anywhere. You did. I’m happy, like actually happy and now you’re here... No-one has hurt me more than you, and you know what, no-one ever will. I’m sorry, I just can’t.” Kat's voice is soft now, more hurt than she is angry.

 

With that Kat, now fully dressed, grabs her coat and walks out of the door.

Time moves in a straight line, every second pulling her away from her origin. The clock continues to tick by.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
